So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
