I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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