Can i not drive my cunt home
Tell her she can't have a vagina
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
