What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
