Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
