the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I currently don't understand fingers.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
