he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize