Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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