I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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