Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
