what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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