I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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