How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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