tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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