I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
