i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
