You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
