it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
