Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How's work?
Spinning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
