I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
