I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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