So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ketchup is God's man juice
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
