Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
