I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
