Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
