honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
