i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
