why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
