just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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