Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
