Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize