Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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