it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
