I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
