His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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