thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
