hotel room ftw
You smell like a Billy Joel song
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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