Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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