A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I understand Curling. That high.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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