She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
