Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize