You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
