I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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