I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
