if you like me you must not know who I am
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
