I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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