apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize