you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dicks are not precious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
