i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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