just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
