the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
