I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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