Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
