do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
