Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
