I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
