this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
