I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Jerry, you need to find god
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
