Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
