You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
