It's Friday. Sex?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
