So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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