so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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