i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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