he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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