Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
