i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
