just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize