I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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