I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
