I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
