She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
