i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
