I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
