Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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