i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
