Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
