You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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