so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
