Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize