My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
