When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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