Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I could make wine with my vomit
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Still dying that you shit outside
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize