good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
did you just send me my own nude
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
