I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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