just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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