we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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