Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
