she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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