Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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