After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
