theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
