There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
