Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
