Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
