So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
