Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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