I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize