he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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