Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
