One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
