and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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