Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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