update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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